The war of the weird ones
by IndentityCrisis
Summary: Captain Haras and Captain Erialc must survive in george lucas' trashy script. They encounter Darth shrinker, now small, ewoks and more! Then they fight? Confusing? yes! Ask Brad663 to save you, but he's a moron. Cowritten with Currently deceased.. ect.
1. MESSAGE ONE

**Ok, guys. This is going to be weird. It is a series of e-mails from my best friend and me. We spoofed anything and everything from star-wars to psychiatrists. The first couple don't make much sense but when you get farther, the plot thickens…..so…read it then review it! Feedback is always a laugh to read, then if were feeling nice, we'll reply! Ahahaha! Flames are welcome, as long as they're warm! I've never heard of a cold flame but still…with us, anything's possible! Read on, and let the ForSith be with you! **

* * *

**To: Captain Haras**

**From: Captain Erialc**

**Subject: HELP !**

Greetings Captain Haras I am being attacked by two dangerous little boys one an intruder to our house hold. His name is Wyatt and he has a strange attraction to elastic bands. So I have taken refuge in the computer room, hopefully they won't find me. But no!. THEY'RE HERE! NO! NO I'LL NEVER SURRENDER!

Captain Haras send in the warrior trees or I'll never make it alive. NOOOOO YOU CAN TAKE MY LIFE BUT YOU'LL NEVER GET MY COMPUTER! NO THEY'RE TAKING OVER. AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH.

(A!$#D4rj,aJKMVRKhj4KFJ 2hwklz SR î"?ç-ñññëëdÀdd.Y«ª´¨´øç5Ä THORN 3Ú4ÂÄÄÄ¬ thorn ?Ä¬Ýìïçç?ëîîìÝìÝåååååå"1Ú2ìììç«««««ççç?´zÿ - ´ thorn thorn zÿ thorn ""?ìÝÝï-‚ìÝ¬î¯-?çÝî-ê«-¯-¯«¬Ý¯ç-î--1Ú2ï¬¯1Ú2"«á¬y«á' ETH "á¬ thorn THORN ¯1Ú2 thorn çñîç¯?å-ï"1Ú2åñòÝ-¯¯-1Ú2"¯1Ú2î-á'¯-¬ñy«ñ1Ú2¯-ò"¯1Ú2"y«"1Ú2'"ò"È¯ò®

"'È'"Èy« thorn '"Èy«y«'ñÈy«®À

WE WILL DESTROY THE EARTH AND KILL THE ONE YOU CALL "ERIALC" IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE A THOUSAND CHOCOLATE BARS IN THE MAILBOX OF THE ONE YOU CALL "MOMMY" BY MIDNIGHT

THE TRIO OF ALIENS

EVAN , WYATT, AND MARVIN THE MARTIAN


	2. MESSAGE TWO

**To: Captain Erialc**

**From: Captain Haras**

**Subject: RE: HELP !!!!**

Captain Erialc? Captain Erialc? Do you read me? Obvliously not. Jeeze. You'd think that someone being abducted by crazy Martian/boys would care more about the help we sent. A dog came at 10:oo at night trying to get in. He was all we could spare Captain, there was a meteorite about to blow up Pluto and all our crews were on that. I'm sorry that you had to go through all that but Fido totaly kicked Marvins ass. The martians came outside to mow the lawn at aprox. 12:00 at night and Fido used some of those Kung-foo moves we taught him to get rid of the martians. Unfortunately, he still got away. Fido does not have opposable thumbs and could not properly work the handcuff mechanism. We are sorry for any distress he may have caused. The two other convicts are under our constant surveillance. Do not worry.

From,

Captain Haras.


	3. MESSAGE THREE

**To: Captain Haras**

**From: Captain Erialc**

Subject: Re: HELP ! 

O.K. If these two boys are under your constant surveillance why am I locked up on a planet in a galaxy far far far far far far...well further than any dumb galaxy George Lucas made up where princesses have cinnamon buns attached to the side of their heads. Anyway it is very nice. Lots of interesting scenery that I would like to get a closer look at but cannot because I am locked up. Send help as soon as possible and please don't send Fido, the tower has no means of getting up other than my brown (how poetic ) braid that has grow extremely long very fast due to the strange atmosphere on the planet, and I don't think he could climb it. Maybe you could send the guy of my dreams instead. Sigh. ?


	4. MESSAGE FOUR

**To: Captain Erialc**

**From: Captain Haras**

Subject: RE: HELP !!!! 

All right we have dispersed Brad663 he is uber hot and uber athletic. OK, not the dude of your dreams but he will have to do. All the perfect guys are too depressed by the fact that the world has ended, they were not in the mood to save another damsel in distress. (However long and brown (how poetic) her hair is).

I am sorry but you will have to ride home in his Jag (gag) it is not green and not convertible. You will have to spend many hours in the care-ship with him and he is not very bright. However His mind has been updated with lots of star wars trivia facts and I'm sure he would love to help you coil your hair into cinnamon buns over your ears. Oh yes and be sure to hook your hair over something before he starts to climb it, it will hurt when he pulls and we want you to suffer as little pain as possible(on rescue missions or otherwise.) You are locked up because somehow the two boys that we were constantly surveying somehow started to sing nursery rimes and slipped a sleeping pill into the guards coffee so that as Doug and Albert were snoring loudly the ruffians slipped away undetected.

Hope everything is pleasant and well for you,

Captain Haras


	5. MESSAGE FIVE

To: Captain Haras From: Captain Erialc 

**Subject: RE:HELP!**

Captain Haras

Brad663, I am sorry to tell you, arrived too late (haha). I was rescued by some Wookie who immediately handed me over to some guy called Luke who says he's my brother, (I don't trust him). Brad663, is most likely having the time of his life with the trained Wookies that I...I mean...Marvin sent to capture him. I however am not, the Wookie cannot converse in any way known to man, Luke cannot do anything but worry, and were forced to eat bran flakes (if it isn't bran flakes I don't want to know what it is). My mind, body and soul are being contaminated, dude. Get me out of here before... I turn to the DARK SIDE!

Adieu, captain Haras... hope to see you soon.

Captain Erialc


	6. MESSAGE SIX

**To: Captain Erialc**

**From: Brad663**

**Subject: Ummm…**

Errr... Luke's sister person...duh

Ok, sorry i didn't get there fast enough, but I had to stop at the restaurant at the end of the universe, I was getting peckish. If its any condolence to you, I did buy you some fries, of course I ended up eating those too SINCE I HAD TO GO ALL OVER THE UNIVERSE LOOKING FOR YOU AND THOSE STUPID WOOKIES! #$! DAMN THOSE WOOKIES!

ok I'm so sorry, my shrink says that I have anger management issues.

ok I'm puttin this ship in auto-pilot so that I can go pump some iron. Oh look a green French fry!

oh by the way...hehe

(cough) don't join (cough) the Sith (cough) or ill have too (cough) utterly (cough) annihilate (cough) you (couch)

Jesus! Does anybody have any water? (cough) I'm choking on a French fry (cough) I'm sorry princess dude, I'm dying but here's my shrink, he'll figure something out. (cough)

goodbye.

Brad663

Hello, my dear...MUAHAHAHAAH! NOW THAT I HAVE KILLED BRAD663 I WILL HYJACK THIS SHIP AND RULE THE UNIVERSE! okokok, don't ask me how some dinky ship will let me rule the universe, its just in the script! Sorry dude, I cant save you I have this icky business of escaping the cops to handle. I hope you are having fun with the speechless Wookies and your idiot brother Luke, if its possible, can you send me a postcard telling me how you feel?

goodbye for now,

Darth Shrinker

dude

dude

dude

dude

dude

dude

lets

go

eat

shrubbery!

dude

dude


	7. MESSAGE SEVEN

**To: Captain Haras**

From: Captain Erialc 

**Subject: All hail Captain Haras!**

Did I say wookies? I mean ewoks!

Answer me captain haras, Darth vader is coming for meeeee!

(p.s. he, darth vader says he's my father, I don't trust any of these people!)


	8. MESSAGE EIGHT

**To: Captain Erialc**

From: Captain Haras 

**Subjest: RE: All hail Captain Haras!**

Oh no. We sent a whole fleet of ships to the wookies. They are huge fluffy

snowmen, and they smashed all our fleets to smithereens. Actually, we can take

care of your father (aka Darth Vader) give your brother this light saber.

errr...dont ask why he needs another one.

The person you want to look out for now is Darth Shrinker. He wants to kill

you. Well. No. But he wants to know how you feel. Its just as bad.

We shall send another fleet to the Ewoks immediately.

Good day, your highness

Captain Haras

p.s. How are you feeling?


	9. MESSAGE NINE

**Subject: I'm waiting!**

**To: C. Haras**

**From: C.Erialc**

NO! Anything but THAT! Not my tappity tappity thing! No darth vader you CAN'T HAVE IT!

SAVE MEEEEEEEE!


	10. MESSAGE TEN

**To: Captain Erialc**

From: Captain Haras 

**Subjest: RE: I'm waiting!**

okokok captain Erialc, your Tapity Tapity will be ok. Your father is being taken care of. We are currently only four billion trillion light years away from the Ewoks so don't worry well be there in a jiffy. Hold tight and give your father a serious smack on the hide for trying to steal the magic database that can control all things in the universe ...I mean your tapity tapity.

OKOKOK

chow

Captain Haras


	11. MESSAGE ELEVEN

**Subject: RE: I'm waiting!**

**To: C. Haras**

**From: C.Erialc**

o.k. I admit it... I made the ewoks kidnap him... I'm suprised you didn't find out! Don't bother.. Brad663 is dead because of some psycho shrink (he's also dead) , my ... HE IS NOT MY FATHER! Is dead... And my tappity tappity is in my hands...

Are the shrink and Darth Vader the same?

Doesn't matter cause they're dead!

I have sunken to the lowest form of dealing with characters... killing them off

ps. I met a banker... he's surpassingly interesting... wait a minute...NO!

It's all so sad

sincerely..

Captain Erialc


	12. MESSAGE TWELVE

**To: Captain Haras**

From: Captain Erialc 

**Subject: RE: All hail Captain Haras!**

He's not my brother!

Shrinker's been dealt with...and I've created the red side! It's

a mix between evil and scarily moral... grey would probably be more

sutable... but I hate grey!

Oh well... Don't bother anymore, Brad663 is dead...I'm on my way with

a fleet of ships from the red side, with a complete guide so don't

wooorrry be happy! I'd watch out for the E. I.G.B. A (Evil Inter

Galactic Bankers Association) they are plotting to destroy all the

worlds imagination, I found out about on their website. If the red

side and your team join up we might be able to stop them... First

back to earth.

Thank you... at least someone acknowledges my royalness!

don't ask...


	13. MESSAGE THIRTEEN

**To: Captain Erialc**

From: Captain Haras 

**Subjest: RE: All hail Captain Haras!**

Oh... But do to intergalactic copyright laws, he IS your brother.

I am sorry, Captain Erialc, but Darth Small got to us first, we have signed

a treaty with him and created the Delight Side. (Shut up, we combined Dark

and light and got Delight. I told you to shut up! Stop laughing! Its not that funny!). Sorry red side but we sent four billion quazillion of

Brad663's family and a quazillion billion of Darth Smalls allies to terminate

your new side. I'd like to thank you, now that we both have something to kill

we are safe from the wrath of the Dark Side. OK, well, goodbye for now,

and...errr let the forscith be with you...

Jedarth Haras,

Co-leader of the Delight side.

p.s. If you want to sign the treaty too, you can. Just frame the whole

thing on the speech impaired Ewoks...er wookies...er ewoks...ya.


	14. MESSAGE FOURTEEN

**To: Darth Shrinker/ Brad663**

**From: Captain Erialc**

**Subject: Hey!**

I'M NOT HIS SISTER! I don't care what these crazy people say... I'M NOT!

You better be sorry... You ate the French fries? Wait a moment... Brad663 I don't remember sending this to you... EWOKS! Take him away! Cut off his head! Don't let him... err... pump iron or whatever you call it.. what happened to captain Haras?. You just try annihilating me! Ewoks! Now!

now Darth shrink or whatever

Oh right... don't kill him he's already dead...

Darth shrinker the script writer is on vacation... I'll write it for you

Darth shrinker: Oh! I think I'lll give up and join the red side, the leader is much to powerful to fight! Exalted leader ...

bows deeply to beautiful and talented and wonderful queen erialc currently being fanned by wookies... I mean ewoks

Queen erialc: I have no need of you... I do the psychoanalyzing around HERE!

Darth shrinker: no!

Queen erialc: Darth shrinker, how do you feel about this, is something bothering you? I understand... tell me about it! Was there some traumatic event that happened in you child hood? Why did you chose the dark side?

Darth sidious: Well when I was little my parents abandoned me ... (starts crying) and you see... I was attached to my parents... and attachement leads to pain... and that leads to the DARK SIDE! No! wait a moment.. NOOOOO!

melts and dies

THE END

well! Start practicing!

AND I'M FEMALE... NOT A "DUDE"!

honestly, evil phyciatrists!


	15. MESSAGE FIFTEEN

**To: C.Erialc **

**From: Darth Shrinker**

**Subject: RE: Hey!**

Really? Well, do you show ant resemblance to his sister? hmmmm... interesting. Brad663 is dead. We got the e-mail by accident through captain Haras. The Ewoks can't hurt me. I will annihilate you. muahahahaah!

Sorry, dude. i was told to do it improvise so... We improvise it! Muahahahaah! Now prepare to be... ANIHILIATED!

And I am soooooo... Better than you at psychoanalyzing people, you must have had trauma in your life, you asked all those questions without pausing. Care to tell me about it?

muahahahahaa

The master of evil laughing

Darth Shrinker

a.k.a

Darth Small

As you wish, captain


	16. MESSAGE SIXTEEN

**To: Darth Shrinker/ Darth Small **

**From: Captain Erialc**

**Subject: RE: Hey!**

Oh, the Ewoks can't, but I can! And if I can't... theres a lot more backing me up. No annihilating, I've told you already! And you are so not better, you're fake... It doesn't matter how many textbooks you've read, or the questions you ask (a little bit, but it's not the biggest thing).. You have to really care about their feelings... Wow! I sound like Elle Woods from legally blonde... weird! Anyway, would you care to try to psychoanalyze a vampire?.. I'm sure it would be an...educational experience...

Queen erialc and her Co-worker would like to wish you a happy day and announce that they're getting married!

sincerely, me


	17. MESSAGE SEVENTEEN

**To: Captain Erialc**

From: Captain Haras 

**Subjest: RE: I'm waiting!**

Well... that is strange. You can control the Ewoks? Kool. Brad663 is dead but his shrink is not. The shrinks name is Darth Small and he killed your father, not you. Stop pretending that you are writing the script! We are IMPROVISING it! Its kind of screwing up but its better than YOU winning!

STOP INSULTING BANKERS! I USED TO BE A BANKER! SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT...

we are sorry

! we are under a lot of stress right now. Please forgive us. We have just been injected with Kidalin and will be calm for the next twenty-four light years. We are part of a new organization and it is tuff being a galactic leader, give us a break! We must go now, we have a lunch meeting with Darth Small. Salutations,

Jedarth Harras,

Co-leader of the Delight Side.


	18. MESSAGE EIGHTEEN

**To: J. Haras**

**From: C.Erialc**

**Subject: traitor!**

quantity vs quality.

Well, is there some reason for your betrayal? I'm sorry to say that the Ewoks aren't the only ones on my side, we've breached the lines between other movies and books and I, with the help of a secret co-worker, have created many alliances with the vampires of Amelia Atwater-Rhodes' books (they can screw up your mind, shape-shift, and much more!) The Nazgul of lord of the rings and a few Dementors (they were the hardest to reason with, PLEASE! don't suck out my soul when I'm talking to you!), a few talented people with questionable morals from Abarat and a lot more. I don't take betrayal very well, thank you very much. I have many reasons for continuing the fight, we used to be on the same side, so I don't understand this, secondly i have pride... but you don't, betrayal, just out of fear from a side led by a maniac with pointless intentions. We sent a message to the fleet heading towards you... I demand an apology and an alliance, or surrender... For being a very disrespectful young lady! I'm very annoyed that you're trying to destroy my side for no reason at all, when there's people trying to take over earth that we could stop together

Sincerely, her highness, queen Erialc of the red side and

My co-worker, he who must not be named, no, not lord voldemort , some one else... voldemort is busy chasing some kid just to take over the world .. sheesh! ... And too evil for my tastes.. I foiled him by stealing his most precious allies... heheheh..

Risika, Aubrey, Kala, and all their other bloodsucking friends wish you well... and are looking forward if you don't surrender ... they wanted me to tell you, yes that is a threat.

the only treaty that will be signed is ours!

RED FOREVER!


	19. MESSAGE NINETEEN

**To: C.Erialc**

**From: Jedarth Haras**

**Subject: RE: traitor!**

Oh well, I'll annihilate them somehow. At the moment though, I have to go water my space-petunias. Will you stop bothering me? I really just want to rule the galaxy in peace. Or well...in war. But still. Just let me zap you! Please? It'll only hurt for a second! Then you'll be gone and out of everybody's hair! I'm just kidding, marry into the delight side! Then we can have a treaty! Theres this nice boy named Luke...wait he's your brother. Oh well! You will marry Luke on Saturday August 20th. Bring your parents. Darth Vadar will be so proud. Both of his children marrying and settling down at the same time! Sigh Nooooo! space-petunias! Don't kill my galactic-magnolias! I'm sorry, princess, I must take leave, a botany battle has started on my ship-balcony!

Jedarth Haras,

Co-leader of the Delight Side


	20. MESSAGE TWENTY

**To: C.Erialc **

**From: Darth Small**

**Subject: RE: Hey!**

No, I am un-touchable to the female race. Also to the Ewoks but that was an accident. Its a bit of a drag, I mean...a celibate existence is a bit dull...however I cannot be harmed by you. Vampires will try to suck my blood and find that it is riddled with silver. One sip and they are dead. Oh well. I am still superior to you.

I FEEL DEPLY ABOUT THE DEEP FEELINGS OF OTHERS HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT I DONT? DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME? THIS IS MAKING ME FEEL VERY UN-LOVED RIGHT NOW! I DONT LIKE FEELING UN-LOVED! JUST BECAUSE I CANT GET MARRIED TO A WOMAN DOESNT MEAN IM NOT MARIED! I HAVE A LOVELY LIFE-PARTNER! HIS NAME IS BRAD664! JEEZE! HOW CAN AN ELLE WOODS IMPERSINATOR BE SO HEARTLESS?

Oh and I think I've done vampires b4. They're really stressed out (unlike me). I think its all the killing. (Totally unlike me!) But one of my best friends is an ex-vampire. (Shut up, I am so not my own best friend!) Have a lovely day your highness. By the way, you are already engaged to Luke, you can't get married to your co-worker (who is he? can I come to the wedding? I love cake!) ! Oh well if you're happy I'm happy with the fact that I know that you're happy.

Sincerely,

Darth Small

p.s. I think I may be a vampire! ahh!


	21. MESSAGE TWENTYONE

**To: J. Haras**

**From: C.Erialc**

**Subject: RE: traitor!**

They like me, and my cause... so naturally they do what I tell them too.. duh! As well as all the others I convinced. Sadly, I figured out that darth small's not dead... too bad. My script wasn't good enough for you, huh? What's happened to you Haras?.. The Kidalin's affecting your brain, Me winning is such an awful thing, huh, so what if I told you it might happen? Galactic leader... hmmmm... so what are you going to do as galactic leader after you've "annihilated my side". I can't stand that "darth small" guy.. Haras.. What happened to you!

The person I knew is dead.. It's over..

Hope you are well, Erialczebell the great


	22. MESSAGE TWENTYTWO

**To: C.Erialc**

**From: Jedarth Haras**

**Subject: RE: traitor!**

Sure. I think there is an ulterior motive somewhere.

Darth Small won't die. He is a bit...un-touchable to us. Sigh he is sooo cute! If only Brad664 somehow died. And the birth defect that makes him un-touchable to woman (and ewoks) was gone! No your script was full of bad grammar. Didn't you know that you have to start a whole new paragraph every time somebody talks? And not very many people are gifted with a sense of humor, you were not one of them. You have to work hard to make people laugh. Killing off the dark side is soooo not funny. And neither is making fun of the Delight side! Or rhyming Darth Smalls name with Darth Maull! Walks off in a snit remembers she is writhing an e-mail and comes back. What is going on? Why is the world flooding? oups wrong letter. Captain Erialc, I expect you here in a month to start your wedding prep.

I am not dead, just...OK I went to a shrink! I changed for good! For the better! You should try it! I know a good one if you want to try him...

Jedarth Haras

co-leader shebang...yadyadyyada


	23. MESSAGE TWENTYTHREE

Re: Traitor

To: Jedarth Haras

From: The anonymous coworker

uhh... greetings enemy, I am your friend's co-worker, she has requested that I help her with her "e-mails"

excuse me if I make mistakes.. this culture is still unfamiliar to me... I have trouble with computers..

ohhh... what does that button do? fascinating...

oh, right.. well no we can't stop bothering you... because you and your strange ways bug us, what do you mean by "zap"? I'm confused...

No! Marriage? Marriage.. hmmm... what does it say in the dictionary?

**Main Entry: mar·riage**

**Pronunciation: 'mar-ij**

**Function: noun**

1 : the state of being united to a person of the opposite sex as husband or wife in a legal, consensual, and contractual relationship recognized and sanctioned by and dissolvable only by law -see also DIVORCE

**2 : the ceremony containing certain legal formalities by which a marriage relationship is created**

**marriage**

**n 1: the state of being a married couple voluntarily joined for life (or until divorce); "a long and happy marriage"; "God bless this union" syn: matrimony, union, spousal relationship, wedlock **

**2: two people who are married to each other; "his second marriage was happier than the first"; "a married couple without love" syn: married couple, man and wife **

**3: the act of marrying; the nuptial ceremony; "their marriage was conducted in the chapel" syn: wedding, marriage ceremony**

**4: a close and intimate union; "the marriage of music and dance"; "a marriage of ideas"**

Oh... wait a moment.. I think I recall some mention of "marriage" .. OH! right! In my culture it is the same... just by a different title. Well, I do not believe that her highness desires the union... I do not either. So that is settled.. you are a peculiar mortal... almost as peculiar as erialc who is now going by "Madamoiselle violet".

I pity you, space petunias can be temperamental. If you continue to threaten my co-worker, I'm certain you would make a good snack.

farewell


	24. MESSAGE TWWENTYFOUR

Re: traitor!

To: The anon. Coworker

From: Jedarth Haras

Salutations of the day! Really, unfamiliar eh? Where do you come from? What did the button do? Oh well, be a little more accepting! Zap...Oh look it up in the dictionary you big geek! Oh well, she is going to get married and that's that. snit

Ya, the space petunias are almost as untouchable as Darth Small. Do you have any suggestions? Wait...Are you a space petunia?

Captain Haras

p.s. Have you discovered the earthly joy of hair ornaments yet?


	25. MESSAGE TWENTYFIVE

Re:Help

To: Darth Shrinker

From: Erialc

This is a bit grade two of me but my friend, who is trying to kill me (or marry me off.. same thing) thinks you're cute! You should already know this, and talk to her about it... if you really are a shrink as you claim to be... otherwise we're going to end up with a Shakespearean tragedy... that would not be good. Hmmm... you realize that many of those stories are myths? I mean how could anyone live without silver? Nevermind, I'm not going to kell you...(if I spell kill right the computer will talk to me... not a pleasant experience) you seem...like an okay person.. other than being egotistical (that is not a sick word). DO YOU FEEL DEEPLY ABOUT THE FACT THAT SOMEONE MIGHT BE HEARTBROKEN AT THE MOMENT? OR THAT YOU'RE TRYING TO GET ME TO MARRY FOR A TREATY TO TAKE OVER THE GALAXY! NO I DON'T KNOW YOU, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW IF YOU CARE ABOUT PEOPLE! YOU DON'T ACT LIKE IT! I KNOW YOU HAVE A LIFE PARTNER!

ummm... I'll go meditate now... by the way I haven't agreed to the marriage yet. First I want to know what'll happen if I form a treaty... if I don't want to my location will remain secret and you won't be able to find me.. let alone force a marriage..

sigh... what a beautiful sunset...

hasn't captain harras told you anything about me at all? I never want to get married.. not even to my co-worker! I was kidding...

p.s. what are your feelings towards captain haras?


	26. MESSAGE TWENTYSIX

Re: I'm waiting!

To: Jedarth Haras

From: Erialc

doesn't matter If there is an ulterior motive anyway...

I don't want him to die, I just want him to stop trying to take over the galaxy! The galaxy is mine, not yours!

I could arrange that (laughs evilly), first let me talk to one of the "brads"... are any of them female? Or do they just clone each other?

What? What? What?

Your message is kinda weird..

And I never did any of that...

I'm not marrying luke! No! No! not gonna! Bad people! (throws a fit on the ground)

okay... go talk to that "shrink" again.. you need it

Madamoiselle violet


	27. MESSAGE TWENTYSEVEN

Re: I'm waiting!

To: Erialc

From: Captain Haras

really do think that an ulterior motive in your troops does matter. You dont want my love to die? Are you talking to him on the phone in secret? Oh! That's awful! He isn't cheating on me is he? I sure hope not. I told him that you were greedy and stating that the galaxy is yours is incredibly greedy. Plus I technically own the entire galaxy. I got it engraved in stone this morning. HaHa. Dont kill Brad664, he's an OK chap. If things dont work out with Darth small, I just might hook up with him. Ya, there are female Brads. They are called Jenny's. We have an exact equal amount of Jenny's as we have Brads. An equal amount of them are gay as they are lesbians. It all balances perfectly. They each have one child. The first legacy of Brads and Jennys were created after someone went foreword in time and saw that Brad Pitt and Jenifer Lopez would get married, so they all changed their names. Its quite funny how stupid most of them are.

No my message is completely normal. It is perfect.

Perhaps you never rhymed Small with Maul, but you totally tried to distroy the dark side. Yes you are marrying Luke. Just drink that delicious Vanilla tea and we'll come and get you. You are the one who needs the shrink but after I thought about it a little I decided that you can't use Darth Small. So there.

Jedarth Haras


	28. MESSAGE TWENTYEIGHT

**Re: Traitor**

**From: Erialc**

**To: Haras**

I am truly sorry for my co-workers behavior. I do believe he called you mortal. You see, he is a, well.. He's a... frog. Or a toad to be more precise. See? You've discovered my terrible secret. I call him he-who-must-not-be-named to spare you from the horror of his real name. It is...Tommy Toad. You see toads believe they are superior to humans. They believe that they are god, and we are "mortals". Tommy Toad has come a long way to get here. After falling in love with a princess (and being rejected) who thought he was a frog and who lost a golden ball in his pond , he's been part of several children's t.v. shows. Now he's here, a role model for toads everywhere. He's quite ambitious. But a bit.. clueless. He says to force feed space petunias the eyeballs of cute little kittens, it calms them down quite a bit. They go into a state of depression, being truly softhearted creatures. Anyway, goodbye!

* * *

**BARNIE THE PURPLE DINOSAUR: HI KIDS! IM IN THE CONTROLL ROOM! IM CONTROLLING THINGS! IVE BEEN INSTRUCTED BY THE SCRIPTWRITER (WHO IS ON HOLIDAY) TO REPLY TO THE REVIEWS! OK, HERE WE GO!**

**VEGGIE GIRL: UMMM... OK? I THINK YOUR IN THE WRONG BUILDING, KID... BUT I AGREE!**

I LOVE YOU!

**DUO OF THE DAMNED: YA! BUT YOU HAVE TERRIBLE SPELLING...YES I do KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE AUTHORS!**

YOU LOVE ME!

**DARK FAIRY WOMAN THING: IM DO NOT AGREE! I HATE YOU!not really but... DARTH VADER IS NOT DARTH SMALL/SHRINKER...YOU ARE DARTH DUMMY!**

WE'RE A BIG FAT FAMILY!

**SCHIZOPHRENIC SQUIRREL: I LOVE YOU! BARNEY WANTS A HUG! WOOKIES ARE MY COUSINS! AHHHHHHH! **

_AT THIS POINT BARNEY IS UN-ZIPPED. THAT IS TO SAY THE GUY IN THE SUIT STEPS OUT OF THE COSTUME TO TAKE A PISS. VISUALIZYOUR COMPUTER SCREEN GOING _**BLACK**


	29. MESSAGE TWENTYNINE

To: Haras

From: Erialc

Re:HELP!

So I'm completely clueless. Whatever, I know all about.. umm.. Floral arrangements! Yeah! Floral arrangements! See?.. I'm smart, right?

I am miss independent, I am in love with nobody! So there, ha!

You disturb me, you're a...a... Poser psychologist! Oh, Burn! You don't care about my feelings, admit it. The vanilla tea arrived in the mail. I am not going to drink it! Nuh uh... no way! I was an apprentice to Mad eye moody! I drink from a hip flask...

waitamoment... Vanilla tea?

turns to her advisors

"dracula, evan, wyatt, coulter, marvin the martian, uhh.. tommy toad " flinches "should I drink it?

"NOOOO! "

"never trust the enemy"

"it's poisoned"

"it's caffeine, it'll give you a headache and distract you so they can annihilate us!"

"I like grapes!"

Oh.

To hell with them! My caffeine addiction must be satisfied! takes a large gulp of vanilla tea

hmmmm... I love it!

see? n..nothings h..h..happening. yawns

wow, I'm sleepy all...of... a..su..su..sudden..

"and erialcs hand fell on to the Z button, leaving behind a hint of what befell our beloved highness" said the narrator

ZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Marvin the martian: hey! I don't remember hiring you!

Narrator: that's all for now folks!


	30. MESSGAE THIRTY!

To: Haras

From: Erialc

Re: I'm waiting!

Narrator: erialcs hand still rested upon the Z button. Oh no! Now the enemy will know that... (drumroll please) it's time!

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ...

Narrator: If erialc was awake, she would have said. "of course Darth Small is cheating on you with me! He's leaving you because of your horrible spelling! Ewwww... no way! I at least have good taste!". Wow, It's really convenient that I know these things! They should give me a raise!

narrator leaves

INSTANT REPLY: I will rule! Not you! MWAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HAHA! okay, that's enough now


End file.
